Trying to find somewhere I belong...

God, I sound so emo... I don't mean to but I feel so alone here.

The very fact that I don't know how to speak Chinese is a disadvantage here in the United States where their mother tongue is English. Isn't it seriously ironic?

I can't speak Chinese so I have a really hard time making friends.

Actually, that's not true. I have made some friends. Just not the type of friends I can just hang out with and chill. I could if I knew Chinese, because they are all Taiwanese, but I don't know Chinese. So if I go out with them, they'll be speaking Chinese and I'll be stoning by myself.

Suck up and just go with them, you'll be thinking. Learn Chinese for god's sake instead of wallowing in your misery.

I would but it's so hard...

If I go out with them, I won't enjoy myself because I don't know what the heck is going on.
And they'll feel really bad if they just see me blurring by myself and then things will get awkward.

I don't want to be the downer on people's parade.

But I really want some friends whom I can understand and can understand me.

I miss Fiona, Shermaine and Hwoon Yi, my three closest friends since we were in diapers.

I miss PM9, my wacky friends I made in my short time in Taylors'.

I miss my mum and dad, who always know what to say when I'm feeling down.

Most of all, I miss the feeling of belonging to something bigger. Here, I am here nor there. I am a lone ranger, which suits me fine on some occasions. Not permanently.

I really miss home....