I should have gone to Australia.

Sigh... Before I came to the States, I was so adamant about not going to Australia.

"So many Malaysians there lah, like second Malaysia already. Walk down the street and ask a random person, "Hey where r u from?" "Malaysia."

I was such an ass. WHY DID I NOT GO TO AUSTRALIA?

WHY DID I COME TO THE UNITED STATES??

Not that the US isn't great, it's awesome. It's just I have no fucking friends here.

Is it so hard to ask for one friend whom I can hang out with and can speak bloody English????

I just hate feeling so lost and confused every time I hang out with my Taiwanese friends.

When they laugh about something, I don't know what they're laughing at.

When go out, they usually don't include me because it's no fun having the banana around.

I want to laugh too. I want to go out and have fun too. Is that too much to ask?

You guys are just lucky because there are so many Taiwanese people here. You feel right at home even when you're miles away from it.

God, I know I'm being such a bitch, scorning other people's happiness because I don't share it.

But they are so lucky... they are in their comfort zone because they have friends from their own country here to laugh with.

I tried hanging out with you guys... I just don't have fun because I don't know what you guys are talking about.

I know it's no fun having me around because you feel bad (initially) that I'm sitting there all by myself and not talking.

(Anyways, later you treat me as though I'm not there so I suppose the feeling of guilt wears off very quickly.)

I wish I had gone to Australia where I'll be just as much at home as I am in Malaysia.

God, I hope I can find a friend soon. Or else I don't know how I am going to survive for five years here.