I miss my friends... I really miss my friends.....

Shyt.. I swore I wouldn't cry for the first few months I was here... Guess I already broke than vow a few times.

But I really really really really miss my friends now. I miss being able to hang out with them, just drive to Taylor's and hang out at Papa Rich or something.

But most of all I miss being able to understand my friends.

I always feel so left out here... just because I don't understand Chinese. Like just now, I was supposed to have a discussion with some of my Taiwanese friends. Fine, I'm all for it. One friend actually asked everyone in the conversation to please type in English (for my sake, obviously).

Thanks for the effort but obviously it didn't work.

They all started typing in chinese and I, being the odd one out... Well, I can't do anything now can I?

I'm such a whiner baby, I know...

I just want to have real friends again, y'know?

Friends whom I can hang out with and have fun together.

I don't want to be a damper on anyone's parade here. I'm pretty sure sometimes that they would prefer me not to be around so that I won't be a damper on their parade. Who wants a dumb little banana baby ruining their Taiwanese fun?

I just want... friends.

Friends whom I can understand. Friends whom I can relate to.

My friends back in Malaysia... Friends like that.

God, it sucks not knowing how to speak Chinese or read Chinese. And hey, I'm suffering from this problem in the United States!

I miss you guys all so much..!

P.S Thanks for the scrapbooks. It's comforting in these times...

Trying to find somewhere I belong...

God, I sound so emo... I don't mean to but I feel so alone here.

The very fact that I don't know how to speak Chinese is a disadvantage here in the United States where their mother tongue is English. Isn't it seriously ironic?

I can't speak Chinese so I have a really hard time making friends.

Actually, that's not true. I have made some friends. Just not the type of friends I can just hang out with and chill. I could if I knew Chinese, because they are all Taiwanese, but I don't know Chinese. So if I go out with them, they'll be speaking Chinese and I'll be stoning by myself.

Suck up and just go with them, you'll be thinking. Learn Chinese for god's sake instead of wallowing in your misery.

I would but it's so hard...

If I go out with them, I won't enjoy myself because I don't know what the heck is going on.
And they'll feel really bad if they just see me blurring by myself and then things will get awkward.

I don't want to be the downer on people's parade.

But I really want some friends whom I can understand and can understand me.

I miss Fiona, Shermaine and Hwoon Yi, my three closest friends since we were in diapers.

I miss PM9, my wacky friends I made in my short time in Taylors'.

I miss my mum and dad, who always know what to say when I'm feeling down.

Most of all, I miss the feeling of belonging to something bigger. Here, I am here nor there. I am a lone ranger, which suits me fine on some occasions. Not permanently.

I really miss home....

Right Now....

You have no idea how much I miss home right now. At this very instant. I've been here for a month and a half and still... I feel as if I just don't fit in.

Don't get me wrong, USA is a great place. People here are ... okay. Food here ain't so hot but there are still some Chinese restaurants here so it's relatively Asian, at least where I'm at.

Yeah and that could be my problem...

It's not relatively Asian here, its VERY Asian. There are tons of Asians here - mostly Taiwanese, a large number of Vietnamese and Koreans and some Japanese. Some China Chinese and a handful of other Asian races.

But there isn't one Malaysian here at all. Well, with the exception of my cousin of course, and there may be some other Malaysians of whom I don't know about, but you get the idea. The number of Malaysians here is soooo low that it's almost as if Malaysians are non-existent. Normally, I wouldn't mind it. Heck, I didn't wanna go to Australia because it's too overpopulated with Malaysians.

I'm really beginning to doubt the wisdom of my decision now.

The fact is, I don't feel as if I fit in here.

Nobody here understands me.

Don't get me wrong, I've met some great people. The problem is... these great people would prefer to hang out with other great people from their own country.

My friends are all from Taiwan and they all speak Chinese with each other. They understand each other's culture and language. I being a Malaysian, plus the disadvantage of not knowing how to speak Chinese, am often left by the wayside when they are conversing happily and joking.

I don't discredit them for wanting to speak Chinese and be with other Taiwanese. It's just human nature - the black sheep concept. We all want to stay in our comfort zone, especially when we're in an unfamiliar place. Hence, Taiwanese stick to Taiwanese, Chinese stick to Chinese, Koreans stick to Koreans and the like.

But I have no one to stick to. There are no Malaysians here.

That wouldn't be a major problem, actually. I just don't know how to speak Chinese. And that has prevented me from basically, having a social life.

Why don't I make friends with the Americans, you ask?

Well, it's a culture thing. I am not familiar with the American culture yet, hence it is hard to make friends when one doesn't understand the other person's culture, even though you understand their language.

On the other hand, I don't understand the Chinese language but I am familiar with the Asian culture. What a bind I am in, seriously. I am neither here, nor there.

The funniest thing is: I have such a powerful command of the English language and I come to the United States of America, where the main language is English, and yet, I have no friends because I can't speak Chinese!

Doesn't the irony just kill you?

I know I am just wallowing in misery and feeling a whole lot of self-pity. But I can't help it.

It's just so hard.

I miss Malaysia.
I miss my friends.
I miss PM 9 so much it hurts.
I miss the times we spent together as a class.
I sometimes regret leaving you guys.
I sometimes regret enrolling in A-Levels in the first place, then I wouldn't have met you guys and it wouldn't be so painful.
I miss my high school friends.
I miss the times we can just hang out and laugh.
I miss the rojak language of Malaysia.
I miss everything... so so much...

What Happened to REAL Singers????

Okay, I used to be a really big Disney fan. Like, really really huge. But ever since High School Musical, shows on Disney Channel have been getting suckier by the day.



The recent addition, the cartoon, "Pucca." I mean, URGH! Who the hell would watch a stupid show like that. Seriously, who???


Anyway thats not the point. What I really mean to say is, WHAT IS UP WITH DISNEY AND TRYING TO MAKE THEIR ACTORS SING???? ITS NOT LIKE THEY CAN SING ANYWAYS.



The culprit who started it all.....



*Drum roll*

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!!!

Like PUHLEAAAAZE!! Does anybody really think that those good-looking but talentless knuckleheads can sing?? Its all the wonders of technology baby. If anybody who can hear listen to their singing (you dont even have to listen closely), their singing voices are soooo sharp and squeaky. That's because it's alllllll digitized and fake!



Honestly, Zac Efron is a hottie I admit, but when he sings I feel like running and taking cover in a 10-inch soundproof room. And I swear, Vanessa Anne Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale sound like squealing piglets; their voices are so super squeaky and high. Lucas Grabeel, poor guy, he doesn't get as much publicity as the other three, but sorry honey. Singing ain't your thing.



High School Musical spawned 2 sequels - High School Musical 2 and 3. To this day I have never watched the whole of HSM 2 and I swore I wouldn't waste 11 bucks to pay to watch a faggot movie like HSM 3 in the cinema. (Sorry for the swearing but I thats what I think about the movies.)




Disney Channel then had the nerve to make another stupid musical where the cast all delude themselves into thinking that they can sing. Yes, I am talking about Camp Rock starring the Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato. This movie was better than HSM although it was still a complete rip off.

Demi Lovato.... I guess I should give her SOME credit. She's an okay singer, by no means fantastic but....... she's like those bathroom singers- pitchy but still painfully in tune (somewhat).

And I was never a fan of the Jonas Brothers. Never is and never will be. I mean they totally used the Hannah Montana tour to get famous (not saying I'm a Hannah Montana fan, that's going to be in another post). Doesn't anybody feel like they sing while suffering from constipation? They're just cute that's why they're famous.





Okay now the real reason that triggered this post.

The newest Disney Channel original movie. Dadnapped. It hasn't premiered on DC yet but they did show a music clip of its star, Emily Osment from Hannah Montana singing.

Here we go again... DC forcing its stars to sing and make our ears bleed.


Here's the video of the said music clip.

Gawd.... her voice is so blehk. There is NO melody to the music. Notice that the first five lines of the song have all the say monotonous tune because that's the only thing she can sing. I can honestly say this is one of times where I wish I was deaf. I would go on and on but I'm too lazy to type that much so thats it for now.





I pray that Disney Channel will one day return to its original purpose of bringing happiness to children instead of trying to spawn actors a.k.a tone-deaf singers.

Peace.Love.And All That.

Annoying People who don't understand BRB.

Don't you just hate it when you tell someone BRB and they keep talking to you as if you just didn't excuse yourself from the conversation? For me it doesn't matter whether its through MSN or text messaging, it annoys the hell out of me. Like, hello?

BRB = be right back = I'm busy = Can't talk right now = I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU

Okay, I have to admit, my mood plays a major role. If I'm in a good mood and somebody is bothering me even after I say brb, I'll just be slightly ticked off.

But if I'm in a bad mood....
*$%#=^#&^@)(!(@ LEAVE ME ALONE!




So what if I let my emotions rule my actions sometimes? I'm a girl after all. =P

Just A Thought...

Dictionary.com defines ordinary as of no special quality or interest; commonplace; unexceptional

Hence, you would expect something that was extraordinary to be, well, extra ordinary.
As in extra common, or in a crude way, just more blah.



Then again....



" That's an extraordinary feat!" or just simply " Extraordinary!"

Means that something is really special, out of the ordinary, amazing etc.
Dictionary.com 's definition for extraordinary is beyond what is usual, ordinary, regular, or established. Synonyms : magnificent, exceptional, outstanding etc.

Then why is the word extraordinary? Wouldn't it mean that whatever that is in question is just extra ordinary instead of spectacular?


Hmm... the wonder of the English language.




Sher's gonna call me Oxford again if she reads this post. =.= Next time i'll post something about the wonders of bananas. =D

Wishful thinking? More like utter loss of reality.

I admit, i am something of a dreamer. I love to fantasize about a whole bunch of 'what if's and sometimes put my fantasies to words on black and white paper (figure of speech, i usually use Microsoft Word) and shape them into fictional stories. if i don't like it, i am at every liberty to change and twist it into anything i desire. But i have never ever lost sight of reality. Fantasizing and daydreaming is all fun and games, but a snap and im back to reality.





Wish i could say the same for some people. I have always known that some people were deluded, constructing their own fantasy-cum-reality. But i didn't realize the extent to which some people's delusions were. I was truly amazed by the delusions they can experience when an event which is highly normal can be twisted in their minds to become some other godforsaken thing which never happened. (Probably the last sentence is kinda confusing, but it probably is better if the depth of that sentence is not fully understood. I am not going to elaborate further in fear of offending readers).





Now, i am not trying to discriminate people who enjoy riding the imagination train. As i said, i love going on that ride frequently but i always have RealityLand in view. Hopefully, someday the party mentioned can skip the imagination train and go for a permanent cruise on a Reality liner.






Peace, Love and all that.